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楼主:洋八路

[全澳] 谈谈英文写作 (话题之十一(266楼)反射性(写作)思维 (Reflective Thinking) [复制链接]

发表于 2012-10-15 13:56 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 江湖郎中 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 江湖郎中 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
Mark,
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发表于 2012-10-18 00:03 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 maya 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 maya 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
好复杂啊。

发表于 2012-10-18 01:21 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 LANGJIN 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 LANGJIN 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
好贴收藏了。

发表于 2012-10-18 01:22 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 LANGJIN 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 LANGJIN 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
好贴收藏了。

发表于 2012-11-8 22:45 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 snowolivia 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 snowolivia 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整

发表于 2012-11-11 04:46 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 mimel 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 mimel 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
好贴,不顶不行呀。。女儿才一年级。。希望以后能多多指导。有机会能当面和老师交流~~
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发表于 2012-11-12 08:32 |显示全部楼层
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good, mark

发表于 2012-11-12 09:34 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2012-11-13 15:50 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 may263263 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 may263263 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
请何老师指点:多谢!!
女儿10岁Y5 刚来澳一个多月(特别喜欢暮光之城,所以写了这篇小说)她还没起名字,我自己看不懂,惭愧
“Come here, you witch!” roared a strong man with a spear in his hand. He was chasing a young girl who looked afraid.
“No, no. What are you doing? Monsieur, why are you chasing this young girl?” said a boy with golden hair. He pushed the girl behind him. The girl was about to cry. She is a beautiful girl about 11 or 12; she is so small, everyone who saw her wants to protect her. Her eyes are as blue as the sea; it is a kind of deep blue. She has warm chocolate brown hair and her lips are as red as a rose.
“What am I doing? I am trying to kill this witch. She is a female demon with beautiful skin. She craves for our throat, and she delivers terrible death. If I were you, I will not touch her. Now, get out of the way so that I can kill her.” Shouted the man. Suddenly his eyes bulged and he died screaming. The little girl looked very scared.
“Who are you? What happened?” the boy asked her eagerly. He always likes exciting stories. The boy is about 12 or 13; he looks a bit childish with his pimples and clumsy hands and feet. He has bright green eyes, as bright as the grass in spring and he always has a big grin on his face.
“My name’s Roseline. My parents died a long time ago, so I was on my own. I was just hungry and thirsty and asked that man for some food and water, and he said I had to pay. He also said I had to be his wife, I refused him, and he would not let me go. I just escaped from the back door. Thank you very much for rescuing me.” Said Rose slowly and sadly, her voice higher than usual.
“My name is Emmet. I escaped from home because my parents wanted me to marry a rich girl I do not love. Can I call you Rose?” said Emmet warmly. They smiled at each other. Suddenly, Emmet’s stomach growled loudly and Rose giggled. Emmet’s face was as red as an apple; he thought that giggling should be banned.
“Sure. I…I have some bread and milk; I got it from the man’s house. I don’t know if it was steal or not.” Rose smiled kindly “I know how it felt, it sort of make your stomach twist into a knot. Eat as much as you want. I’m not hungry.”
“Thank you!” The boy swallowed the bread. “Ah! Better now. I have not eaten for days. I would like to travel with you, if you like. But I don’t know how to beg.” asked Emmet sincerely.
“Yes, please. I am very lonely. It does not matter. I can.” Rose said quickly.
“Let’s go! Where are you going?”
    “ To the north. To the rich country called China, some of my relatives are there.”
“I am going there too. I heard they could marry freely there. Where did you live before you came here?”
“I lived in Birmingham, the people there are friendly, but they can’t help me because they are not rich. And you?”
“Paris.”
“Oh. I heard they are quite strict there. Where are we now?”
“We should get to Berlin this evening. I heard the people there are friendly. Maybe we could get a place to sleep.”
“I don’t mind, I could make a tree house. My dad was a carpenter; he taught me how to make a tree house when I was small. I missed him; he divorced with my mother a long time ago.”
“What did your mother do?”
“My mother is a painter, she dead last week because of tuberculosis.”
“I am sorry. Was she nice? Did you like her?”
“She was very nice. She was kind, lovely, and beautiful.’’
“Tell me about her! I have never seen my mother. She divorced with my father when I was 1 year old. I am going to find her, when I got to China and made a lot of money.”
“My mother divorced with another man, before she married my father. I don’t like my father, he’s too mean.”
“I loved my father; he let me do whatever I want. However, I hate my mother, because she left me when I was young. Would your family be worried about you?’’
“No, they certainly wouldn’t.”
“I like to swim. What sports do you like?”
“I like table tennis. What kinds of book do you like to read?”
“Me? I like science fiction, like<<Harry Potter>>. I love the magical world Rowling created for us.’’
“I have heard of that. Nevertheless, I have never read it. Tell me about it.”
“Well, it’s about a boy called Harry Potter and a dark lord called Lord Voldemort. It is a magical world; they have witches and wizards, vampires and giants. If your parents are witches and wizards, you are a pure blood, if your parents do not know magic; you are from a muggle family. Muggle families are loathed. Young Harry Potter had to lead a hard life: His parents have died in a car crash when he was still a baby, and he is being brought up by his Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. For some reason unbeknownst to the bespectacled ten-year-old, the Dursleys let him live in the small chamber under the stairs, and treat him more like vermin than like a family member. His fat cousin Dudley, the Dursley's real son, keeps bothering Harry all the time. On his eleventh birthday, Harry Potter finally receives a mysterious letter from a certain Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, telling him that he is chosen as one of the future students of that supposedly renowned school. Hagrid, the gigantic man who brought the letter, finally introduces Harry into the real circumstances of his life: His parents were a wizard and a witch; they were killed by the evil wizard Voldemort while protecting him. Harry still has a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead from that event. Since he survived the attack as a baby, and somehow deprived Voldemort from his powers, he has been famous in the wizarding world. Lord Voldemort wanted a magical world with no muggle families; he is very cruel and greedy. Nevertheless, he has great magic, and no one can kill him. It is all about love. It is a great novel.”
“Really? Oh, we are almost there, I can see it. Look, Em, it is there. I am a bit nervous, are you?”
“Yes, what should we do when we get there?”
“We can get a job, when we had enough money; we buy a lot of food and two bicycles. Moreover, we go. This city is very strange. I think we’d better go now.” said Rose trembling.
“What are you talking about? Rose, you must be daydreaming. It is very beautiful, look. Wow, the people are welcoming us, quick.” Said Emmet excitedly. Dragging Rose towards the gate.
“HURRAY! Here comes the hero. What’s your name?” said a fat toad-like little man.
“My name’s Roseline Ankara.
“My name’s Emmet Angola. Why did you call us your heroes, sir?” asked Emmet suspiciously.
“Aha, the hero. Only you can save us. Madam, you are not allowed in this city. Sorry. By the way, my name’s Furner.”
“Why? She is my friend. Rose, I think you are right. Let’s go.” Emmet said angrily.
“Please don’t go! All ours lives depends on you! You can came, Miss Ankara.” Wailed Furner.
“Don’t go, please!” all the people shouted.
“Alright. What’s you problem?” said Emmet impatiently.
“The Great Elders.” Furner whispered. Rose shuddered and whimpered. Only Emmet looked confused.
“The what?” said Emmet.
“Let’s go, Em. The Great Elders, I can’t believe it.” Rose wailed.
“Who are they?” Emmet said bewildered.
“Haven’t you heard the story of the Great? There was a bunch of mummies and zombies and werewolves. They bumped into each other and come the Elders.” Furner said.
“And you want me to…” asked Emmet.
“Destroy them, they are here. They never leave us alone.” Cried the people
“OK, OK. My ear hurts. Don’t cry so loudly.” Emmet said. He covered his ear.
“Oh, thank you. Let us come and have some food at People’s Public Square. Furner said excitedly.
People’s Public Square is an old square with broken steps and cobwebs. It seems that it had been at least three months before anyone had cleaned it. It was full of snow. However, you can still see some reminder of the old days, when it was busy and full of life. Right now it appeared to be completely deserted, cannot see a soul. Rose was just about to ask Furner where are they going when Furner lead them behind a bunch of rocks. It seems like another world, there are a warm fire, smiling people and a delicious smell coming from a steaming pot. People are laughing and dancing. Rose and Emmet cannot help smiling and joining the crowd.
“This is our home now. We have lost all of our houses. The werewolves took them.” Furner said sadly.
“How could I destroy them?” asked Emmet.
“Worry that in the morning, hero, come and dance with me. You are so handsome. My name is Garcia. Love at first sight.” A pretty girl said. She is about 13 or 14. She has muddy brown eyes, strawberry blond hair, and an attractive smile.
“O.K. Rose, come on.” Emmet said eagerly. He longed to forget about this mummies and nonsense. He is afraid he would dead. In addition, he felt he is not the right person to do it, he felt he do not have the power inside him.
“Oh no. Not her. Only you and me. Come.” Garcia whispered.
“Why can’t I dance? I CAN DANCE.” Roseline said angrily. She Pull Emmet towards the dance floor. Emmet went willingly.
“Oh, please go away. He only wants to dance with me. Don’t you?” Garcia chuckled. Her smile is as sweet as honey, and as deadly as tiger snake. Silk that is venomous.
“Em. Stay. She is not good for you.” Rose said anxiously. Emmet hesitated; swing his head, seeming confused. Then he walked wobbly towards Roseline. Roseline smiled triumphantly at Garcia. Garcia is a bit annoyed. All the men she met fell under her spell. Nevertheless, this girl is not the easily giving up type.
“That’s fine. You are mine anyway.” Garcia muttered. She watched acidly at Rose while she danced with Emmet.
The next day, Emmet got up early and Garcia who was watching Emmet’s tent walked after him. She decided to know more about him.
“Hello. Hero. What’s your name?”
“Hi. My name is Emmet Angola. The girl you met yesterday is my friend. Her name’s Roseline Ankara.”
“Can I can you Em?”
“Please call me Emmet.”
     Garcia is a bit disappointed. She thought: This boy is so stubborn.
     “But Miss Ankara can call you Em.”
     “But you are not Rose.”
     “Em, what are you doing?” Suddenly a sweet cry interrupted them; Roseline is peeking through her tent.
“I have to go, sorry. Goodbye, Kazia.” But Emmet didn’t look sorry at all. He quickly runs back to Roseline.
“My name’s Garcia.” Garcia shouted. Nevertheless, Emmet didn’t hear her.
“Aha, there you are. Mr. Angola and Miss Ankara. Have you had a good night?” Furner said.
“The howling was very annoying.” Roseline answered.
“How could I destroy them?” Emmet asked eagerly.
“There’s a magic book left by our ancestors. But only you, Miss Ankara can read it.” Furner answered.
“Why? I CAN READ IT TOO.” Garcia shouted. She’d been listening for a while.
She took a breath and continued to shout at Emmet: “Why don’t you like me? Is it because of her?” She pointed to Roseline.
“Yes, but not quite.” Emmet said quietly.
“What? Why don’t you love me?” Garcia wiled.
“You already have hundreds of lovers.” Emmet returned icily.
Garcia seems to be frozen but at last she screamed: “Who told you? I will kill him.”
“You will never touch my Rose.” Emmet said sternly and moved in front of Roseline. Roseline smiled and patted his arm.
Garcia rushed towards Roseline, Emmet begin to stop her. But Garcia only cried: “Why? Why did you do that?”
Roseline walked towards her, she sneered: “You deserve it. Do you remember Leopold Ankara?”
Garcia looked puzzled: “Who is him?”
Roseline screamed: “You don’t even remember him. He is my big brother. He was a fine lad. He travelled here years ago. You made him fell in love with you. And then you told him you had never loved him. He is so depressed that he committed suicide, it is because of you.”
Garcia looked horrified, and then she stamped her feet and stormed out of the room sobbing loudly.
“Now, where is the magic book?” Roseline asked Furner.
“It is in the Mermaid River. But you need to find a kind of material first. It is called Green Apple. It is in the Bat’s Cave.” Furner answered.
“Where is the Bat’s Cave?” Emmet asked.
“I can take you there. But I am never going in the cave.” Furner said darkly.
“What should we do when we are in there?” Roseline asked.
“Hm. Let me see…aha here we are.” Furner said. He took out a small golden bird.
“When you are in the cave, release this bird and follow it. You can’t look back. You can’t hurt the bats. When you see a golden apple tree, you must close you eyes and pick an apple from it. You must pick two for each of you. There will be a lot of beautiful little green birds sitting on the tree; you must not worry about them. There will be a golden bird, you must catch it and hold on to it. It will take you out of the cave. I will be waiting for you there.” Furner said.
“How are we to get there? On foot?” Emmet asked.
“By horse. We are going this afternoon. Go and prepare for the journey.” Furner answered.
In the afternoon, Emmet and Roseline were just preparing their most valuable things when Furner stormed in and told them: “Somebody volunteered to go with you on this hard journey.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea who that is. Why, in the name of God, does she follow us everywhere?” Roseline said gloomily.
“Well, I am not following you everywhere. I just decided to go with you. If you don’t like it. I can go on my own.” Came a shrewd voice.
“I’d rather you go with us. You are so irresponsible and rude; I shuddered at the thought of how much trouble you would get into.” Roseline said coolly.
“You…you ...you dare to talk to me like that.” Garcia cried. Tears rushed down her pink cheeks.
She wiped the tears and continued: “You’ll be sorry for that. You servant. But you like me, don’t you? Emmet, maybe a little bit?” she looked hopefully at Emmet.
“Only a tiny bit. But not love.” Emmet said slowly.
Garcia smiled and croaked: “At least I had a hope. Maybe one day you will love me.”
“Don’t even think about it. You cannot get my Emmet. As long as I lived, you will not touch him.” Roseline vowed solemnly.
“O.K. As long as I live, I will not stop loving you.” Garcia also vowed.
“Girls, we should be going.” Furner interrupted. Already on his horse, Roseline and Emmet clambered on to their horses too. Roseline even performed a few tricks. But Garcia hesitated eyeing her horse with distaste. She shouted: “What are we waiting for? Get a wagon immediately, Furner!”
“There’s no wagon now. You have to go by horse, Princess Garcia. Or you don’t go, you can decide now.” Furner said sternly.
Garcia thought about it for a minute, and then she said: “OK. But I don’t know how to rid a horse. Maybe Emmet can teach me.”
      “Roseline is better than me.” Emmet said quickly. He didn’t like the Princess; he thought she was just a spoilt child.
“Never, I hate you.” Garcia spited.
“Then… Peter!” Furner shouted.
Furner shouted several times before he explained: “Peter is the best rider in our tribe.”
“I dislike him. He’s so brutal. Look at his arms, all those hairs!” Garcia said. She raised her eyebrow in disgust.
“Or, you don’t go, that’s a choice.” Furner raised his voice.
“Ok, but I’m never riding a horse with him.” She looked at Emmet expectantly.
“You can rid my horse, I’m riding with Rose.” Emmet said casually.
“No.” Garcia gasped.
“Hello, everyone.” A young man with a big grin joined the group. Furner talked to him quietly and the young man nodded several times.
“My name’s Peter and I am happy to go on this adventure with you. I’m keen on adventures.” Peter introduced himself. He liked Emmet and Roseline almost at once, but he’s not too sure with Garcia. She didn’t look nice at all with her nasty expression.
“My name’s Princess Garcia, my father ruled Germany. You must listen to me. You are kind of servant, aren’t you?” Garcia said proudly.
“I’m your teacher; you must call me Teacher Peter.” Peter said seriously.
“Thousands of geniuses wanted me to call them teacher. What are you, compared to them? You are not even famous.” Garcia laughed shrewdly.
“Or I will not teach you.” Peter said. He thought Garcia would go without a fight.
“Can you teach me, Roseline? I promise I’ll be good. I’d rather believe in you. Please.” Garcia begged.
“Ok. We must be going.” Roseline said kindly.
“Wait, I’m not losing an adventure.” Peter stopped them anxiously.
“Too bad, there are no spare horses for you. Sorry.” Furner said guiltily.
“Can I be your teacher, please? You don’t have to call me teacher if you don’t want to.” Peter said to Garcia. They all expect her to turn nastier but she suddenly smiled dazzling.
“Garcia, he wanted to go and maybe he can teach you better then I can.” Roseline said carefully.
“Ok, Roseline.” Garcia said in distaste. Soon she could ride pretty well. Garcia looked pleased with herself. Peter was surprised; he never thought this sulky girl had so much talent. Furner, Garcia, Roseline, Emmet and Peter were on their way, soon, night fall. The night was very cold; they sat together by the fire Emmet had lit. Suddenly, Furner’s cell phone rang and he looked terrified.
“I’ve got to go back, there’s something serious at the city. Peter can lead the way. You’ve got to go now. Fare well, my friends.” He shouted, jumping on his horse and rode away in a flash.
“What? What? What about Celia? Is there more zombies?” Peter gasped.
Emmet’s eyes narrowed: “You have a girlfriend? I never knew that.”
“Yep! She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Peter said while preparing their horses, his eyes filled with love. Garcia snorted. They began the journey silently, all too sleepy to talk.
Next morning, they rest for a little while and ate some bread. It’s about noon when they stopped because Roseline and Garcia couldn’t keep their eyes open. They had just lye down when a gust of wind blow in to their face, it gradually grew stronger and stronger. Suddenly, a group of people appeared in the storm, they have dusty yellow eyes and rugged hair. They have a sort of strange claws and furry arms and legs. The werewolves approached them, they were too scared to move, and Garcia utters a struggled cries. This made them notice her; she is still very dazzling despite the fact that her face is filled with horror. The leader of the tribe stared intently at her.
The leader placed his hand very carefully on her wrist like she was something valuable, he plead in a heartbreaking voice: “If you came with me willingly, you can have all sorts of beautiful things, you will sleep on a bed made of the finest silk in the world, and you will have all sorts of jewels, like diamonds and emeralds. You will have hundreds and thousands of servants. And I would not hurt you, you can have a big palace and a garden and a zoo and an aquarium. I would kill your enemy for you.
(她每天写点,未完待续)

发表于 2012-11-14 19:58 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 luckleaf 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 luckleaf 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
超级好贴,留印。

发表于 2012-11-30 12:17 |显示全部楼层
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mark
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发表于 2012-12-2 21:42 |显示全部楼层
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good

发表于 2012-12-10 20:48 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 2010LUCKY 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 2010LUCKY 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
谢谢分享,收藏。

发表于 2012-12-15 22:37 |显示全部楼层
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收藏

发表于 2013-1-3 20:19 |显示全部楼层
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收藏·

发表于 2013-1-4 07:24 |显示全部楼层
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yanaa 发表于 2011-11-11 16:09
我女儿从国内来不久,刚来的时候起点很低,只是小学里唱唱跳跳学的那点英语,现在让她没事在家写几句,请何 ...

最后一句很有中国腔调。不知小姑娘现在如何了。相信进步一定很大。
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发表于 2013-1-4 12:56 |显示全部楼层
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多谢何老师的精彩讲解

发表于 2013-1-8 01:57 |显示全部楼层
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打开眼界,谢谢。

发表于 2013-1-21 21:31 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 aruba 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 aruba 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
mark

评分

参与人数 1积分 +4 收起 理由
doremi + 4 感谢分享

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发表于 2013-1-30 13:56 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 zmzhu 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 zmzhu 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
此帖太棒了,收藏了慢慢看

发表于 2013-6-23 01:24 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 紫衣 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 紫衣 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
太专业了,保存下来认真读
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发表于 2013-6-25 10:14 |显示全部楼层
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zuozuo 发表于 2010-8-6 12:00
我女儿写的weekend, holiday等也经常没有重点,把morning tea啊,上厕所什么的都搬上去。 ...

我儿子开始也是,细节很多,抓不住主要。

发表于 2013-11-24 03:32 |显示全部楼层
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mark,有时间慢慢学习

发表于 2013-11-25 21:30 |显示全部楼层
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好贴收藏了。

发表于 2013-11-26 11:24 |显示全部楼层
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wq2011 发表于 2013-1-4 12:56
多谢何老师的精彩讲解

原来是大名鼎鼎的何老师啊

发表于 2013-11-26 12:02 |显示全部楼层
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请问何老师是何方高人
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发表于 2013-11-27 01:06 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 我猜 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 我猜 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
此何老师是彼何老师吗?anyway都是高人,先收藏,回头看。

发表于 2014-3-15 09:36 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 洋八路 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 洋八路 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整
本帖最后由 洋八路 于 2014-9-16 00:06 编辑
我猜 发表于 2013-11-27 00:06
此何老师是彼何老师吗?anyway都是高人,先收藏,回头看。


打算另开一贴,抽选典型作文,将小孩原文,我修改过的文章,以及小孩重写的文章直接对照比较,查看优缺点,让家长们和小孩自己方便找出需要改进的地方,针对性提高写作能力。

评分

参与人数 1积分 +4 收起 理由
牵黄擎苍 + 4 何老师,可以有你的联系方式吗?谢谢!.

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英文写作老师

发表于 2014-4-2 08:06 |显示全部楼层
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好贴收藏了!

发表于 2014-4-2 12:26 |显示全部楼层
此文章由 four4 原创或转贴,不代表本站立场和观点,版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 four4 所有!转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明,并保持内容完整

   好东西,收藏了,我现在不能加分,等可以时,一定补上

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